I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
