Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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