She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize