Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
