dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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