I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
