I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
