this boner is exhausting
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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