I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
