I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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