My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
