and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
