The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
