I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
