Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
