so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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