I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you would pick up someone in the library
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
