dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
