At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
