Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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