I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
