I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
