Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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