me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
