Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
