In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
