Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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