Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
