I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
