i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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