I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
