two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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