If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
