Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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