Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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