i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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