I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
