Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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