Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
