Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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