I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
