there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
