She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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