I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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