I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
