IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
