remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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