your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
