My nipple is on Facebook.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
