what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
