you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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