btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
