I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
