If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
