I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
