I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
