i need an iv and a liver transplant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
