she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
