I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
