Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
home. puking in laundry basket.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
