All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
