Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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