i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
