literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
